Just Because...: Where Oh Where Did One's Confidence Go...

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Where Oh Where Did One's Confidence Go...

Being that today was St. Patrick's day, I decided to take some time and just think about what's been going on. See, now that things are starting to slow down at work, I'm able to start dealing with one's internal demons - one of which that is plaguing me is the loss of confidence.

Yes - I said it - my confidence is m.i.a. What's funny is if you put me in a club, I'm the one that is talking to the staff, d.j., etc. and my friends will often joke that I will walk in a club like I own it and, in my mind, I do. I know that in entertainment, the wolves are always nearby and its best for my clients to walk the walk and talk the talk. When it comes to my personal life - notsomuch.

I'm trying to narrow it down to the confidence erosion is due in part thanks to Mark and H. With A., I had NO problems with that relationship and, when Mark and I split, A. was one of the primary reasons I regained some of my confidence. However, with H., and having spent so much time engulfed in family drama, work stuff, etc., my demon of self doubt took over and that little nagging imp won't go away. Confidence was also missing.

Thursday night when I was out with friends, I decided that I needed to let go of the past and move forward - which included possibly leaving one's hopes and dreams behind and start to make my life here in Florida. And, in true karmic "OOPS", life threw me a curve ball on Friday and the confusion came back - and quick. I was far from "Over It". I also need to quash my habit of caring about emotionally unavailable men. Perhaps its because I keep myself emotionally unavailable and that's what I attract. Or, perhaps, its the coulda shoulda woulda.

Any way I look at it - some changes need to be made. Just the question of where to begin. Perhaps by regaining my confidence...

Labels: Random Mess

Posted by Lys :: 12:53 AM :: 0 comments

This Page

Just Because...

Sunday, March 18, 2007