Just Because...: Admittance is the First Step...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Admittance is the First Step...

They say - the first step to healing is admittance, right? Well, I have a confession to make - My name is Lys and I am a shopaholic. Actually, a good friend of mine has been struggling with a shopping addiction and her acknowledgement has inspired me to really face the inner demons and look inward. Ya know, when one thinks about it, the retail industry, much like a crack dealer, enables women to further their addiction through junk mail, coupons and "sales" which, really, are not really sales but knocking down the markup number. Not to mention, the selection where one has to have that top in every color under the rainbow. C'mon now. And with the sizing issue - well that's a rant for another day.

I will say that when I first started pulling down a decent salary after struggling for some time when I moved to Orlando, I went nuts. I would buy stuff that I didn't need, clothes that I was feeling "eeh" about, but had to have and, until yesterday, were hanging in my closet with the tags still on. As I am no longer that size, I gave them to a friend of mine who lost an amazing amount of weight and is now my old size. Hopefully she will enjoy them. I have shoes that I do not *heart* anymore, handbags that are not really used and lets not even talk about luggage. My god! So yeah - I'm a bit of a clutterholic, but I'm working through it. I get that bit of holding on to every little thing from my dad's side of the family. The shopping - well, I get that from my mom.

As y'all know - my relationship with my mom goes from hot to cold. After my mom left my father, she left behind a staggering amount of bills. My father was going to declare bankruptcy but, by the grace of God, he was able to struggle through it because, as he often says, "just turning your back on the debt doesn't make it go away. You have to pay for it." My dad is just one of those pillars who inspires me often to just deal with adversity head on rather than running and hiding. My grandfather was the same way. He would say "What will that $50.00 that you just wasted buy you? A new sweater?"

My mom would often hide the mail as if not seeing the bills meant that they weren't there. On Oprah's Debt Diet series, there is a woman who does the same. When my mom left, we found 2 dresser drawers FILLED with bills. The stuff she would charge - egads. And would she use it - not really. When I was home not too long ago, I was sad to see that she still has many of the same habits and won't acknowledge her problem. She has just substituted QVC for Gucci and HSN for Louis Vuitton. In all honesty, due to my mother's shopping, we lost everything. Our home. Our family. Our cars. (she cracked up the family Caddy that she HAD to have in a DUI where she ran into a median and left it there. Noone was hurt, thank god!)

My mom really wasn't a very good mother. I hate to write that but that's the truth. She's got her own issues but my dad - he basically had to be both roles. How he got through all that, I don't know. He's still paying for it as his credit was ruined but he's been trying to set everything straight. My grandparents offered to help, but he insisted on working through this on his own and, when they passed, he made sure that any loans that my mom took out and never repaid were repaid.

If anything, my mother is an example of what I do not ever WANT to be. Between her drinking and her shopping compulsions, I've used that as an example to scare me straight. For me, I've learned that willpower really is the key. If I want to make a big ticket purchase, I really try to take the time and think about it before handing over that debit card. The big purchases I rarely put on credit card. I'd rather feel the pinch NOW rather than later. If I can't see me wearing an item of clothing for more than a season, I don’t buy it. I try on the clothes NOW rather than at home. I buy well made clothes instead of disposable $5.00 items that will disintegrate after 2 washes. As Stacey and Clinton of What Not To Wear Say, "Buying disposable clothes basically says that YOU are disposable". The same with shoes. I've learned to take care of my things that way I don't just replace the item with a shiny new one. I try to take more pride and accountability for my purchases.

So while I may shop online and *heart* and item, if I really want that item and get it, you can rest assured that the purchase was not an impulse and was well thought out. I've gotten to where I can go to the mall or Target and not buy a thing. I always look at displays for inspiration on how to utilize what I already have. I can look at a catalog and not buy anything (even Spiegel and Newport News). I can toss the junk mail and am taking pride on paying down my credit cards and canceling the ones I don't want nor need. I love seeing that FICO score go up bit by bit. Plus - I'm taking on a vow of decluttering my home over the next few months as well as fixing my credit from the past so that in time, I can purchase a new home.

That, to me, will be the one dream I'd like to have realized. My own home that my mother's shopping drama couldn't take away.

Posted by Lys :: 12:03 PM :: 2 comments

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Just Because...

Wednesday, March 29, 2006