Just Because...: Expression

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Expression

You know life is all about expression
You only live once, and you're not coming back
So express yourself
~Salt 'n Pepa - Expression

I happened to catch this video yesterday and the lyrics really hit home. That, combined with watching a couple shows from Oprah TiVo'd, one with P!nk and the episode "Women Living A Lie", it's shocking the number of people who lose sight of themselves to feed into someone else's image of them.

P!nk said "My definition of 'stupid' is wasting your opportunity to be yourself, because I think everybody has a uniqueness and everybody's good at something.'" Oprah says she defines "stupid" as "anything less than what is your true self—any time you have to pretend to be something that you're not, around guys or around anybody."

I can't begin to tell the number of times that various guys have been "offended" or "put off" because I refuse to dumb myself down to feed their egos. One classic example is my ex-fiancé, Mark. If I had to study for an exam, he would often pick a fight the night before and I would not do so well the next day because I couldn't clear my thoughts enough to focus on the exam at hand. H. - another classic situation. That boy would scream at me and tell me "how offended" he was when I would speak my mind at meetings or put forth an opinion regarding a client, etc. OK - so it's good to screw a client around because H. was making a dumb decision? I don't think so. A. hated when I would trump him on an exam because he would get a C and study like a banshee and I would pull a B+ or an A- with little to no studying and not really having to attend class. I could have gotten higher if I tried, but, in a weird way, I didn’t want to really make A. hate me. (Hell - I was young and stupid). A. tried hard but he would get so annoyed and often comment, "What do broads know anyways". Being that I was young and stupid, I would act like it was a fluke that I did well, but still, looking back, I should have just owned up to the fact that I had a better grasp of the material than he did.

I'm finding that often people want a person to conform to their way of thinking, their way of morals and their way of handling issues. I refuse. I've found that often when I'm confined to a box of sorts, even one by my own making, I feel stifled, annoyed and anxious. Lately, I've been hearing about how I should just basically take "what I can get" when it comes to a man, which, to me, is insulting. Why would I ever try to settle for just anyone? I'm picky based on my life experiences. Yes, I'm sure that people say "You shouldn't compare to the past". Well, if we don't learn from our past, our future will, most assuredly, be revolving door of the same life lessons until we get it. If I see some qualities that are not to my liking that represent past men in my life, you think I won't put the breaks on and say "Hold up - wait a minute"?

Also, to me, marriage (and sex) for that matter is a serious matter that does not need to be played with. I do not believe in divorce for myself and then remarriage. Now - before you get all riled up, what is good for others, may not be good for me and vise versa. I do not judge people on their life choices, however I'm finding lately that I'm being challenged more and more on mine. Let me tell you what happens when I settle. I settled when I was dating Jackie, only to find myself in an abusive situation where I had the crap beat out of me and lost my child. I settled when I was dating Mark only to find myself thrown through a window during one of our infamous fights. I settled when I let H. yell at me for the stupidest shit and didn't back down. So, riddle me this - why would I settle now after going through my previous life experiences? Aren't we supposed to learn from past mistakes. Every one of those men mentioned above wanted me to "dumb myself down" to make themselves feel better about themselves. What I'm looking for in today's day and age is a man who is confident in himself enough to let me be myself. Is that too much to ask? I know I joke about the rednecks down here and the type of men that I have met out and about, however my version of a redneck is not the stereotypical definition. My version of a redneck could be Jackie, Mark or even H. Men who need to belittle women to make themselves feel better. Men who need to control every aspect of their woman's life so that they, themselves, can feel in control. Men who have little to NO respect for women at all. That, to me, is a redneck. Someone who will not get with the times.

When some people I know express their opinions, I listen and when I speak with an opinion contrary to theirs, I'm told I "don't understand", am "wrong" or "that's stupid". Well, I could say the same, but I'm one to look at both sides of the situation and not take sides "immediately". Maybe that's a fault of mine. Maybe that's something my parents should never have taught me - to see both sides of a situation before rendering an opinion. I never proclaim myself to be an expert, but I do speak my mind and if people can't agree with it or allow me to express myself and my opinions, then whatever. We have a freedom of speech in this country and when did it EVER get to be that an insult and an insinuation to "dumb it down" whether it be to "fit in" or, my favorite, "get a man", is okay?

Posted by Lys :: 6:15 PM :: 0 comments

This Page

Just Because...

Tuesday, May 09, 2006