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Clarity, So Have It...

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Just Because...
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Sunday, August 24, 2008

Clarity, So Have It...

I'm heading back to Philly in November to see my crew and just chill. For once, we don't have an event to be at, just hanging out with good people, some good cocktails and good memories. And, lately, I can tell you - it's so needed. The last trip was good but we had drama to deal with and that energy was kinda funky. My life has definitely done a 180 this year, and for the good. I've made life changing decisions, met some fabulous new peeps, reacquainted with some old and dear friends and finally have a plan for the future. It's the biding my time part that drives me batty but at least I know where home is.

Anywhoo - I was talking with Meowmix the other day and mentioned that it dawned on me that while we booked the next Philly trip, I'd be traveling on the anniversary of Nick's death. That, in itself is a feat, because I normally keep to myself that day. As I mentioned before, Nick was one of those that got away too soon due reasons both in and out of my control, namely my stupidity and that damn fire. Not to mention, I have to confess that for the past couple of years I nursed my wounds after dealing with some not so stellar "characters" and finally started to look forward and not back.

Don't get me wrong - I think of Nick daily and still have the occasional tear filled nights, but I know he wouldn't want me to hermit myself the way I have been. As a matter of fact, if he was still here, he'd walk in my door and tell me "Lys, what the EFF is wrong with you." and then drag me out for a beer and a game of pool.

I also cut out some dead weight from the past that started to make me doubt myself, namely one friend in particular. I don't have time for those that don't recognize that friendship is a 2 way street - 50/50. Whenever I needed him, he wasn't there but when he needed me or another relationship ended, my phone/email/im would ring. And when I would even START to be interested in someone new, out of nowhere, Mr. Convenient would pop up and confuse my blond head. That was until I put a stop to it a few months ago. There will never be anything between myself and Mr. Convenient. I don't play on other people's terms. I play on MY terms. And I also don't have time for drama/games.

Anyways, lately I've been doing some thinking about what's in store for me in 2009 and I can't help but I smile. Fate has been good to me and I've come to see the power of positivity in my life. When I think positive, good things happen. People are put in my path that I would NEVER have dealt with on the day to day and I recognize that blessing, don't worry. And there's so much newness of it all that I'm afraid that if I grasp too hard and hold on, something will break. I just have to have faith that somehow, through this new found clarity that I have acquired, that things just will work themselves out.

All in due time, right?

Posted by Lys :: 5:20 PM :: 5 comments

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