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What Came First - The Chicken or the ...Pipe Bomb?

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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

What Came First - The Chicken or the ...Pipe Bomb?

My father mentioned in passing that there was a new method of terrorism. In Connecticut, someone is pipe bombs in roasting chickens and leaving these chicken bombs curbside like a home grown IUD.

Now - before we get going, I first have to say that I am in NO way making light of what happens overseas. Hell, three guys from A.'s unit were killed by IUDs planted roadside.

What I am focusing on is this article that ran on MSNBC:

"SIMSBURY, Conn. - Authorities in Connecticut are wondering who stuffed a
raw roasting chicken with a pipe bomb and left it on a roadside. Simsbury
police Capt. Matthew Catania says a motorist noticed the chicken Monday morning.
He says the bomb was large enough to harm a person if it went off. The
road was closed while the Hartford Police Department's bomb squad came and blew
up the chicken."

Now, I don't think that Al Queda is going to come over here and start buying out Perdue to leave chickens roadside. So, in true Lys fashion, I decided to develop a theory applying the methodology that one can learn from three popular crime solving shows: CSI, Criminal Minds and NCIS.

Applying the CSI theory, one can deduce that it's probably a prank from some student exploring "What if". They'd fingerprint the inside cavity of the roasting chicken only to find that there are two suspects - one being the biology teacher who had an ax to grind with the town of Simsbury and the other being his intern who was sent to plant decoy chickens in the woods.

Applying the Criminal Minds theory, one can deduce that it is a male Caucasian who lived a sheltered life growing up, is angry at his mother, is about 5'7, has a pronounced stutter and is angry with the townspeople of Simsbury. He's also failing his biology class and the chicken is his way of manifesting his anger at his professor.

Finally, applying the NCIS theory, its an angry male, about 5'9, is angry at the war and is hoping to piss off the reserve and bring them home. Because, obviously, we're having terrorists on our own soil. They'd also find bomb parts in the garage of a relocated Iraqi informant planted there by the local police.

Now, in all seriousness, I hope they catch the person who PLANTED the chicken bomb because I'd like to have a word with him about is obviously warped reasoning. Some people just never cease to amaze me.

And yes, I'm totally at a loss for blog fodder when I'm entertaining articles from MSNBC. Hell, it can go in my FBI file, right Kristabella?

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Posted by Lys :: 11:10 PM :: 0 comments

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