This Page

Sunday, August 26, 2007

• Is the Dance Club the new Strip Joint? Why do girls find the need to act like a stripper when dancing - especially when they are dancing with their other female friends because the men don't dance. Seriously. I sat there watchin' these gals dance on the banquette, rubbin' on themselves like there was no tomorrow, flipping their hair into their face or the gal behind them, one gal was grinding her pelvis into her female friend's face on the floor, and one gal decided that every so often she would put her leg up on the bar and thrust into her friend's butt (We'll call her Chick Without a Pole). WTH?


• The men sitting at the counter that attached the banquette had the best view. AND they went home with all their money to quote our gal H. No dollahs for the gals. And the gals only needed a pole and their new professions would be complete.

• Let's talk about the men who can't dance. You know what they do - around 1:00/1:30 they circle the dance floor, pickin' off who they "think" they will get with. Then the hyena approaches with his "pack" and tonight the gal sent him off packin'... Another guy could have been 20, easily. He looked like the geekier version of Prince Harry - how he got in the bar, dunno. The gal he wound up with, easily 40.


• What about the older couple next to us. The man was EASILY 55, the woman, not much younger. Lady - I did not need to see your tongue explore Gramp's ear, nor see your tongue shoved down his throat. I know you are still having sex, and that's fine, but NOT IN THE BAR, NOT IN FRONT OF US. MY eyes are forever burned. (and I won't mention her humping of Gramp's leg. You can have that mental image, 'k?)


• When we first arrived, there was this gal pretty much grinding into this guy or so we thought. Turns out it was another girl - well, she kinda looked like Da Brat. They then switched up with another female couple. Hmmm. Get a room is my best advice.


• Back to Banquette Gals - they have this dance - it's called the "Rafter Dance". It's when they are up on the banquette and hold on to the rafters while tryin' to channel Demi Moore "Striptease". Disturbing on so many levels.


• I now understand the term Tramp Stamp. There was one gal on the banquette shakin' her moneymaker so where even Ludacris would be proud. She has the spine tattoo, but not one with a whole lotta meaning - the one that you see everyone have and they flash it often. Hey - let me say for the record, I have a tattoo on my spine, but mine has meaning - and it's only at the BASE of my spine, not crawlin' across the back. So back to Tramp Stamp. This gal would make Heidi Fleiss blush. While dancing, at one point, she turned around and I hear "Seriously -she's got to be 100 years old". Picture meth face, but 1000X worse.


• Back to disturbing - there was the gal who clumsily teetered onto the banquette and I hear Reese go "Shit - She's Going to FALL!". Hey Club - Liability issues - take out the banquette or have your bouncers bounce them right off it. If you don't, hope you got a crack legal team.


• Speaking of Bouncers - guys - did you see the gal Britney Spearing it and dancing on the sticky, dirty, messy dance floor with NO SHOES. Gross. Seriously Gross. She should have been booted. BR booted my friend Kelly for that - even caveman style swung her over his shoulder and took her outta Annies years ago. Guess the bouncers don't care.


• Jersey is famous for the "Gotti Look". You know the type - spiky gelled hair, thin "beard", often with a napoleon complex, fake tan and severe swagger. Guess what - we found the Deptford version of Carmine Gotti and he lives and breathes (and dances with boys but shhhhh don't tell noone).


• Deptford Gotti had a special dance which is what I call the"Peacock Strut". Butt out, struttin' around left to right on the floor, looking this way and that. All he needed was the feather fan from Nelly Furtado's new video and he would have been on point.


• Deptford Gotti's best dance partner in his mind - himself as evidenced by his dancing with his reflection in the the mirror by the DJ booth.


• Note to the guy who swears he was Cameo's brother - first of all, please tell me it wasn't the guy who wore the red cup in the Word Up video and, secondly, if he is, indeed, your brother, can you ask him to buy you some teeth. You're lookin' kinda rough there buddy!

The Banquette Girls...

The guy in the red shirt on the far left was the one who had the best view and went home with all his money...

On the left was "Tramp Stamp" and next to her is Chick Without a Pole. If that gal channelled her inner Sofie B. Hawkin "I Touch Myself" ONE more time, I swear one of us would have knocked her the hell off that banquette. She was also very adept at the Rafter Dance, grinding up against the banquette and shooting down Deptford Gotti and Suit Boy...

Here's the Hyena Pack circlin' for the night...

Note the boy in the suit next to the checkered shirt guy - that was the babyfaced guy of above who ended up with a gal that had to be around 40ish...

Labels: Random Mess, Travel

Posted by Lys :: 4:08 AM :: 4 comments

Post a Comment

---------------oOo---------------