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Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I thought voting in Florida was a diabolical mess. Well, let me assure you my friends - far from it. Dealing with Gateway is like asking for all your teeth to be pulled, re-implanted and then pulled again - all without Novocain.

I have NEVER, stress NEVER dealt with such a shoddy run call center - EVER - and I've dealt with some pretty bad ones. Gateway wins the "CALL CENTER AZZHATS" award and, surprise surprise, they don't outsource. These azzhats are in Utah of all places. I tried, really I tried, to curb my cussin' and "Oh Lord" remarks because, I am calling a predominately Mormon state. I'm conscious of that. Ask Ana and MB how often I curse around them. Well, ask Ana because I've been lax with MB lately.

On with the storytime...so grab your coffee (or cocoa for those in Utah) and settle in. This one makes Stamps.com look like company of the year

It all began on January 16th when I ordered my laptop battery from HSN, where I bought my old laptop. See I got my laptop 4 years ago and I have had a great run with it. It worked well when I needed it outside of the black screen of death issue that just happened and the fact that the battery only held 20 min. at a full charge. So, shortly thereafter I get the battery and notice it looks a little long for my laptop. Sure enough, I get it home and hold it in its packaging to the laptop battery and - dammit - it's too big. Note to the HSN Idjiots - it's NOT the right size for my laptop so DON'T REFERENCE IT ON YOUR PAGE AS THE RIGHT ACCESSORY! Now this has to be returned. Dratdangnabit!

Thankfully I kept all the original shipping containers, invoices, etc. (I am wary of tossing anything I get from HSN for the first 30 days - just in case). I look on the Packing Slip and see: FOR RETURNS CALL 866-447-0520. See that word - RETURNS - remember that this is the number they give me for Returns. It will come into play soon - promise.

I call the Return number referenced on the invoice last week and was told by a Mark Jones that no, that is NOT the number to call for returns. Since I bought it from HSN, I need to call the HSN customer number: 800-933-2887. Thankfully I take notes during most of my calls, even if they are scribbles but can make out most of my chicken scratch.

Well, of course the flu struck and, in the interest of NOT having to retch every five seconds and put THEM on hold, I decided I'd take matters into my hands and call HSN today. I get routed to the ever so lovely *roll eyes* Ruth who tells me "No Ms. Lys - you need to call GATEWAY. Their Return number is 866-447-0520. We can't accept returns from Gateway without a Return Authorization Number which you can only get from Gateway. You need to talk to a supervisor."

Do my eyes deceive me? Wasn't that the same number I had to call first who then told me to call HSN?

Oh. Hell. No. Now I'm sick of being played like a ping pong ball and made my anger known. I've had a great relationship with HSN which is now in jeopardy by this mess. It's now Feb. 6th and this sucker HAS to be Fedex'd by tomorrow because I'll be DAMNED if I am not getting my $102.08 back. Now that I've lost 14 min. out of my life, let me go call Mark Jones and his little buddies and rip their throats out and shove it down a supervisor's neck, right? (Sorry - graphic is the only way I can go when I'm that mad. My mom's friend Mo used to say "I'll rip their heart out through their throat and feed it back to 'em". I just modified the phrase a bit. I don't go for the heart - I'll go for the jungular - quicker that way.)

I call the Gateway Number and first up to bat - JOSEI (Badge # GWN9499) (and yes I'm beyond putting that out there because this mess is going to get emailed to Gateway). Josei gives me nothing but grief. He's in the Utah call center and just keeps asking for my DESKTOP SERIAL NUMBER. It's a Laptop BATTERY dingbat - NOT A DESKTOP COMPUTER I'm returning. For 22 minutes we tango and he's rude, interrupting me at every turn and then I had to whip out that "tone" I reserve for the insanely stupid.

I told him as he interrupted me again with a phrase I used to only reserve for Cable Thieves. "OPEN UP YOUR EARS AND LISTEN, JOSEI. DO NOT INTERRUPT ME AGAIN - I DON'T INTERRUPT YOU - DON'T YOU DARE INTERRUPT ME - Do. You. Understand. Me." (If you borrow - say it slow, enunciate the last line and add a touch of menace.) Trust me, if Josei was in front of me - there would be a hand to the mouth silencing him while I make it clear he needs to shut the hell up. I don't care if he's got cooties like the whole Kelly Ripa/Clay Aiken scandal because extreme measures need to be taken and dammit - he WILL shut up. When dingbat Josei finally understands that there is serious trouble, he tries to get a supervisor - I give him the serial number and model number of the item I'm returning which, conveniently, they cannot even process anything without - idjiots. He tried to transfer me TWICE and can't figure out the phone system. His solution - he hangs up.

NOW there are veins poppin' out of my forehead. I'm LIVID. I call back and get - MANUEL (Badge # 9464) in the Utah call center and let me tell you - 28 minutes of drivel. Manuel kept trying to reference my old laptop and wanting to tell me "Ma'am there is nothing we can do - it's out of warranty." I'm not calling about the LAPTOP I bought 4 years ago - I'm calling about the BATTERY I just bought. Now it's on and blood WILL be shed (well virtual but you know what I mean). He kept saying he can't create a "call ticket" without the laptop information. Forget the battery - it has to be the laptop from 4 years ago. What the hell kind of kool-aid is his butt drinkin'? The tone returns and I seriously think he is scared because he kept trying to figure out what to do. Then he tells me "Well if you register your new laptop NOW, we can take care of the battery return". What. The. Blankety Blank Blank??? I responded "That new laptop that I just dropped a huge amount of change on - It's going home to Circuit City and Toshiba will be getting my business from now on".

He also is bright enough to let it slip that I have to be approved to return something. I have to be APPROVED - are you freakin' kidding me? After hearing that, I had half a mind to ship it to MB who IS in Utah and he can go knock on Gateway's door and pay them a visit. Because, if y'all think I'm bad - MB is 10x worse. He does not stand for stupidity at all.

OK - back to Manuel. Manuel said perhaps I should call HSN for a return authorization code. Oh. No. He. Didn't just go there. Finally, like a lightbulb he gives me a number: 888-205-0452. I ask "Manuel - what company is that to?" and draw a silence from the other end. I told him "Manuel - it's not rocket science, honey. The number you just gave me - 888-205-0452 - What Company Does That Go To - GATEWAY OR HSN?" speaking very slowly that way he can see if his brain can process the info. Again silence. Then I get put on hold and he comes back on and says proudly "Gateway". Give that boy a cookie. Of course I'm far from tactful and tell him I hope that after the 60 min. of my life I just wasted with all of this, it better be right or definitely all hell will break loose and, sadly, he's getting drug into it.

I call 888-205-0452 resigning myself to the fact that I'm going to have to tango yet again and repeat myself AGAIN and y'all know if I have to say it a third time, we're done. I'm still sick, tired and now beyond irritated. I get Georgie (Badge No: MA5202) who, like manna from heaven, had a clue. As a matter of fact, she had alot of clues. She knew her material, and, in 10 min. time, return authorization is processed, emails are supposedly being sent and they are paying for my shipping. Not only that, she was surprised that Gateway printed the 866-447-0520 number on the invoice as it was extremely wrong. The return number is - wait for it - wait for it - 888-205-0452. Do you THINK they tell their reps that. No - they want them to make us customers jump through hoops like circus animals. So - if it wasn't for Georgie, you know damn well the laptop would be going back to CIrcuit City and then I'd be blasting Gateway for the 15% restocking fee as well. As I told Georgie, if this goes right - the laptop MIGHT not be returned. Key term is might - because they still have a week or so to piss me off further. Georgie was the only one who did things right - surprisingly. And, as such, I told her she should be commended because Dumb (Manuel) and Dumber (Josei) clearly need either retraining or to find another job, preferably not at Gateway. Not to mention, one can infer that if I got 2 idjiot reps, I'm sure there are more that at that call center.

The point to my rant is this: Gateway - for someone so technologically advanced - your processes and customer call center training reps are ass backward. You need to get your crap together or you are REALLY going to have difficulties. I'm sure you don't care about a little customer like me, but if there's a customer like me having problems - I'm sure there are 10 more that haven't spoken up. And collectively, pissed off customers won't help you guys AT all for something so easy as processing a return authorization number for a LAPTOP BATTERY. 60 minutes of anger, frustration and utter disgust for what, so supervisors don't have to take a call? Are supervisors THAT busy because, clearly, they aren't training the reps properly. I mean what's so important - they obviously AREN'T supervising.

And yes - next item I buy a computer, right now Dell is looking better than you guys - and I'd rather deal with a call center in India right now than ever have to speak to Josei again. And with as much as I detest Dell and think their product is shoddy - it takes alot for me to say that.

(BTW MB - I'm REALLY NOT GOING TO UTAH AFTER THIS!)

Labels: Blog 365, Guilty of Idiocy, Soapbox

Posted by Lys :: 8:10 PM :: 0 comments

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