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Not Only Will I Toss Potatoes, But I Will Scalp A Fool Too...

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Just Because...
Just Because...

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Not Only Will I Toss Potatoes, But I Will Scalp A Fool Too...

Forgive me and let me rant a bit, will ya?

You know my whole positivity blah blah; be kind blah blah; turn the other cheek mantra. Well, the Irish/Indian wench in me is not only about to toss potatoes at a few situations, but I will scalp their azz too.

As I'm stuck on this horrible Pay Email blah blah b.s. thing at the Orlando Airport because they don't have WiFi by the AirTran wing, paying $.35 a minute to blog my happy azz out, you'll see why.

At 3:56 p.m. this evening, my beloved Blackberry was put in critical condition and we don't think BB will survive the evening. Turns out he has the Morris Day OOUOOULLEEEOOOOO typing by its damn self, non rollerball behaving, freeze when it damn well pleases virus.

I spoke to 3, count 'em 3 different AT&T fools at different retailers and one wench had the AUDACITY to tell me to call customer service because it was against FCC regulations for her to even LOOK at my account if I wasn't in front of her computer screen. Ain't that a hoot. Well, Frances and I had a come to jesus meeting and I'll be doing the Julia Roberts "Remember Me" when I get back next week because that gal seriously should not be in sales. Her manager was nicer and, not only was she shocked at that FCC mess, but she was going to talk to Frances. Brian at another store said "WELL you can only get a blackberry in the ORLANDO area, nowhere else" and then tells me "But I'm out of the Curve." Fool - why did ya waste my damn time? Well, the satisfaction is I messed up his uber important solitaire game. Finally, I called customer service who agreed that the retail arm and the call center arm doesn't always speak the same language. Thankfully this fabu guy Brandon took pity on me and then connected me with LaToya who I thought was going to give me attitude until I told her that the phone wanted to start singing Morris Day and the Time Tunes with the OhEOhEOOOOHHH mess. Turns out that it's common in the curve and, guess what. My warranty expired in JUNE!!! JUNE! So now I have to come out of pocket $249 for a new curve that won't even tolerate that mess.

There goes Philly shoe shoppin'. But I will have a sassy red blackberry to match my red sassy shoes.

Wait - it gets better...

I get to the airport, sail through everything in record time only to settle in to board the plane at 8:30. Guess what - they cancelled that damn plane. Something about its stuck in San Juan. Sure I got a voucher for a free flight but now I've been up 36+ hours and they want me to stay here til Midnight? Oh boy.

Blackberry works intermittently - barely a charge - seriously in need of life support so I'm a bored azz fool.

I call Hertz to change my reservation and, true to form, the Philly wenches that work that counter are a hot azz funky fried MESS. This wench told me to call reservations and then hung up. I'm calling the local office - NOT reservations. Do your damn job. She hung up again. I called back, she picked a fight - hung up. Now, you know when I get to Philly her and I are going to have words, right? I don't play that bullshit. Not at all. She wants to step to me like a West Philly wench, be prepared when I school her on "***** don't play me. Sit yo' azz down". Finally some guy answered and when I told him what mess I just went through (which he was aware of) he goes "How can I help you Lys?" My response: "Can you smack that gal before I land because if I come up in there and see her on the counter, we're gonna throw". He told me he'd gladly sit her azz down and then he just did something so simple - move my reservation to 1:45 - something that reservations wouldn't have done anywayz - they would have told me to CALL THE LOCAL OFFICE.

Damn I hate lazy bitches. Seriously.

Now I'm swearing like an Irish sailor and I apologize but man I'm a mad fool. Obviously, because I just paid $10.69 to blog like this to clear my chest.

SO I'll be in Philly around 2:00 a.m.. No Cell Phone. Probably will fight a wench. And no sleep. Guess what that means.

Airtran better keep the cocktails coming cuz dammit - I upgraded and that ish is FREE. I need a damn drink.


Posted by Lys :: 9:01 PM :: 5 comments

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