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A Little Halloween Shock...

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Just Because...
Just Because...

Friday, October 31, 2008

A Little Halloween Shock...

I was going to write about a decision that's facing me, but I figure we'll leave that for tomorrow or Sunday. Let's talk about the nasty trick the universe has played on me, shall we?

I've been waxing and focusing on the latest drama I've had with Mr. Wiggles and his brethren. Shadow has located one and gutted it appropriately. I defeated one that came through the pipes in the bathroom and sauntered across the clean tile like it flippin' belonged in my house. (Last I checked, they haven't paid rent and I'm not throwing those suckers a Welcome (to my) Home soiree). Last weekend, there was one that attacked me IN MY CAR and I raided his funky behind only to find it deader than a doornail the next day. So I thought we had the situation handled... until last night.

Now, mind you, I drive a little sassy Cougar and, yes, while it's had its wear and tear, there is a SMALL hole in the floorboard from my stiletto and much driving. It makes it interesting when a gal goes through a puddle and I often giggle that I'll have to "Flintstone It" before too long. But I love my car and that, my friends, will not change.

Now, last night, I'm driving home and chatting on the phone as I feel something AGAIN run across my foot. WHAT THE EFF?!?!?!?!?! I figure it's my pants brushing against my flats or something and then, 5 min. later, there it goes again - from the other direction. Oh. Hell. To. The. Effin'. No!

I'm told "Go get the RAID again and spray the car". My response "Doh - the residual RAID smell isn't so hot with my perfume, ya know??" And I stop at Costco and do my little dance thinking maybe there is a spider or something in the pant cuff. One thing about Florida falls - they bring out the bug patrols. I look through the floor and NADA. I'm seeing things and I'm jumpy. Granted I had a tough day yesterday so maybe its the fatigue playing tricks on the mind, I think?

Well, just to be safe, after I picked up my groceries, I got a can of RAID for the car (seriously, WHO does that but one that is not dealing well with the massive amounts of Palmettos infesting us like the plague) and after putting up the groceries in the house, I come back down and get a little spray happy, hoping that I'll have gotten the other azzhat that is in my car and he'll perish and we'll bury him on the pavement and it's over and done with. So I trot down this morning to my car with a big azz bottle of FEBREZE (hey - it says it makes anything smell fab and might defeat the residual RAID, right?). My neighbor is laughing at me Febrezin' the car, joking about how I must really love that "Fresh Scent" and I told her the truth. I'm waging a battle with Mr. Wiggles' cousins and while they won A battle, I'm determined to win the war. She nodded knowingly, remarking that she's got the same problem and they are especially bad this year.

Well, I look on the drivers side, hoping for a present (or two) and find NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. Well, it's my mind then and I'm just stressed. I laugh it off, Febreze the drivers side and call it a day.

I am driving home tonight and, like clockwork, I feel that damn thing near my left foot. AGAIN. And I promptly freak the hell out. And remember that I have the RAID can in the trunk. I stop, look around and find NOTHING. Again with the mind tricks. Again, I realize that I could be overreacting. I figure, eeehhhh... go to Barnes & Noble, get a coffee and come out to the car and what's on my dashboard but TWO of that damn azzhat's cousins, just sauntering around like "Take that bitch. We own this joint!". And, this time, I am sure I amused some people in the parking lot because that crap was on and poppin. I am telling Mr. Wiggles-ette to get the eff off the dashboard or I will raid his azz quicker than he knows (he runs and hides in the vent). His co-hort in crime attacks me from the PASSENGER side, putting my beloved Kooba and my coffee near harm's way. OH. Hell. NO! Well, as the damn co-hort sprinted out of my car and ran under the wheel like it was going to go back THROUGH the hole, I quickly ran to the trunk, grabbed the RAID CAN and then I saw it - ANOTHER ONE sauntering TOWARDS my car from 4 spaces over. Apparently the Palmetto patrol put out an APB for the bitch who RAIDS her car and I was under attack. My father, on the phone, is laughing hysterically at my dilemma as the RAID and I joined together in our fight and that bug didn't get NEAR my car as I'm spraying the pavement.

And then my conscience hit me as I raced home before that other bug came up from the engine vent. As I sprayed down the Drivers side and the dashboard, I felt a sense of guilt for that bug that might not have been headed towards my car, but perhaps just towards the grass. Did I have the right to RAID him in his own home - the Barnes & Noble mall parking lot? Who am I to kill something that had a right to live? (Hold off PETA - don't send my membership kit JUST yet)

Then my father snapped me out of it as I remarked about the 12 years of Catholic guilt clearly dealt me in. As he reminded me that I have a walking bullseye for Mr. Wiggles everywhere, I vowed then and there that while I live here in Altamonte, the war is on. And, word to the wise, RAID and I will win Every. Single. Time.

And I think I need to invest in some more Febreze. Its going to be a long few months...

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Posted by Lys :: 10:34 PM :: 3 comments

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