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The Quest for Plaid (Or, In The Alternative, Why I Consider B&N Workers Book Wardens)…

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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

The Quest for Plaid (Or, In The Alternative, Why I Consider B&N Workers Book Wardens)…

Y’all know that Jen Lancaster’s newest book, PRETTY IN PLAID: A Life, a Witch, and a Wardrobe, or, the Wonder Years Before the Condescending,Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smart Ass Phase is out today, right?

Well, having read all of her books, starting with Bitter is the New Black, I know that if it's penned by Ms. Lancaster, it will be hilar. And, I, my friends, will need all sorts of funny as I'm being stretched in 20bizillion different directions.

Pretty In Plaid seems to speak to me on a different level as it involves fashion, including that dreaded 80s fashion because I, like many of you, have been guilty of the charges of all things popped collars, aquanet, blue eyeliner and the like. Not now, of course (well - navy blue eyeliner from Smashbox now done tastefully, mind you) but still. It's fashion related and I need a book that will make me want to read and not zone out and have my mind race in 20bizillion different directions like it does the other 23.59 hours of the day, ya know?

So, this is an exciting week - Jen Lancaster's book is released; Colin Cowie's new line debuts on HSN and, to cap it off - Real Housewives finale AND Lipstick Jungle S. 2 on DVD (which my Tivo is excited because I can delete those 5 eps. I haven't watched yet because I haven't had time). Some people get excited about vacays - I'm excited about Pretty in Plaid, Lipstick Jungle, Colin Cowie and trash tv. Yeah, I know - shush - do not judge.

Last night, I was hoping that some "overzealous" worker started putting out the new books so I dropped by Barnes & Noble to do a little reconnaissance. I circled the store - nothing. Not. One. Book by Jen. NOTHING - what the heck?? I look again - NOTHING.

This could mean one of three things - people are catching up on their reading in anticipation of the release (it's Altamonte so I'll go with probably nope). They could be sold out (again - Altamonte - nope.) So I'm guessing the salespeople are hoarding the books so they can do a nifty display. Yup - probably. However, wouldn't hurt to ask, right? I mean, c'mon - this is the store that sold G. Garvin's new cookbook a MONTH before it was to be released. DOH!

Spotting a clerk nearby, I nicely inquire, "Do you have Pretty In Plaid" to which she snottily replied "No, that's out tomorrow - you'll have to wait. We'll get fined if we sell it to you early." Hold up - wait a minute. Again, let's remind everyone that this is the SAME STORE that sold a cookbook a MONTH before it was to be released? They know me here and know that when I check out - I check out big. Plus, dangnabit - I'm a member who has paid my dues. Sell. Me. The. Book. It's only going to be released in >5 hours for flippin' sake (if we were doing a Twilight stakeout and it could be sold at 12:01 a.m.)

But the Book Warden would not be swayed. She had about as much of a sense of humor as my 1st Grade teacher, Sr. Marie, at Holy Cross who pulled my ear as a child for talking in line. There was no pleading my case and no room for negotiation, no matter how savvy my litigation skills are.


Fast forward to when I'm in line waiting to check out with a copy of the latest Cosmo and another clerk asked me if I found everything okay. I told her of my plight and she said "No, we'll get fined if we sell them early." like they were Stepford Clerks or something. However, this gal was much nicer and I resolved that I would just buy it on release day and then Barnes & Noble and I would be done with our membership tango. I won't even talk about how I talked a customer into pre-ordering the Neelys' new cookbook and the Stepford Clerks had no idea who the heck the Neelys were. My theory was - the customer wanted it and if the worker was too stupid, then how am I going to stand idly by while a clerk's lack of action (or brain power) might lose the Neelys a sale. Again, I digress.

Apparently, karma smiled on me for helping the Lost Customer and not ripping out Book Warden's throat and letting this go. In my morning email was a coupon for 30% off a book from - wait for it - Borders. And, yes, they are holding a copy of Pretty in Plaid for me...
What are you doing still reading this post - go out and pick up a copy of Pretty in Plaid! Trust me, you won't be sorry.

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Posted by Lys :: 6:39 PM :: 4 comments

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