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Realizations of a Traveling Wench...

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Saturday, November 29, 2008

Realizations of a Traveling Wench...

Yes, I've returned to all things sunshine state from the arctic tundra known as Western Mass. Had an enjoyable holiday with family and friends, put some ghosts to rest and finally snipped the cord on one pesky problem that will be no more.

All in all, a success with no unpleasant aftertaste. 'Sall good.

However, the travel itself really made for excellent blog fodder. Let me explain.

First of all - most effective birth control: Traveling with kids to or from Orlando. On the trip down, I was surrounded by 10 children. 2 in front of me, two in back of my seat (kicking no less), 2 children with their father to the side of me and 4 more scattered throughout the cabin. They were all traveling together and can I say, oh my holy hell. The parents had NO control of their Jon&Kate+10 brood and I was ready for a Xanax/Baileys cocktail by flight end. They would run up and down the aisles, sit on the edge of my seat, scream, shout, you name it. Ugh!

On my return flight back, I had one woman who would NOT discipline her child at all, indulged his massive tantrums (as did the child's father) and guess who sat in front of me - yup, you guessed it, Momma Bear and the mean Bearcub. Well Bearcub decided that he was going to be a brat ON the flight, refusing to sit (he was around 3/4), refusing to behave, constantly pushing the buttons, blasting the DVD that he would want changed constantly and the mother would calmly go "Now honey, you know you can't do that" with a giggle. By flight's end, I was ready to say "Listen, my parents would have WHUPPED me if I misbehaved like that. Get it together!" but I behaved. I mean-mugged the kid tho every time he tried to stare me down. Homey don't play that mess. You can't behave, I'll tell you to sit down before the pilot knocks you off the seat. The stewardess even hit her patience level when the mother refused to put a seat belt on the child for landing. Ugh! Well, I darted past them to get to baggage claim, thanking the heavens that I bit my tongue and didn't blast her (or Bearcub). I behaved. Well, until Momma Bear and Bearcub got on my elevator to the parking garage. Dontcha know Bearcub is throwing yet another tantrum?!?!? I looked at him, smiled at her and then looked at him again and said "Wow, kiddo - you've had a tough flight, haven't ya?" The kid shushed, looked at me strangely and knew I meant business. I had "that tone", the one that even my nephews know - "Don't mess with Auntie Lys, she'll say somethin'" The woman told me that she didn't know if she could fly to St. Thomas with the child the way he was acting up - my response "Perhaps you might want to pack some Xanax - that might help" as I walked off the elevator. Mean, kinda but man my last nerve was shot. I will say this, that child behaved PERFECTLY on the way to the car - not a peep out of his bratty behind. Maybe she saw that while you don't have to yell at the child, you also don't let the child run you. You are the adult, the child is the child. Don't get it twisted.

Secondly - Delta - BIG FAIL. We're breaking up. I don't care if you entice me with your "oooohhh - Lys you USED to fly me. I promise we'll be good" crap. I call bullshit. Straight up - bullshit. AirTran has spoiled me for any other airline. On AirTran, I can upgrade to the business class with the comfy seats and overhead bins that FIT my carry on suitcase with no problem. Delta - don't offer me an upgrade and then go "Well, you're "T" class, so no upgrade for you!". I had the $$$ at alert and you don't want this bill? Fine then - bite me. Next, the fact that your overhead bins do NOT fit my luggage and they get progressively smaller as you head back down the plane - fail. I had to bribe a stewardess (or reward) with a Starbucks card if she could get that in the overhead bin (which she did and she did, indeed, get her Starbucks card!). Finally, your drivers and their lead foot - while sometimes that's good, tell them to learn how to pump the breaks - ugh! I miss AirTran.

Bradley is NOT my favorite airport but I do appreciate the fact that they have a Dunkin' Donuts on the concourse. (Philly Int'l - take note please. Thx!) However, I wish I saw that BEFORE I bought a daggone diet coke for the plane. Oh well.

Speaking of ice coffee, when I arrived, my dad and I went out to Friendlys to grab a late dinner. Now, let me preface this with a note that not only do I like Friendlys, but I worked there for TWO years. I was a waitress and worked my way to shift manager and was damn good too. So, when our waitress, Yvette, came over to get our drink order, she told me that they don't have Ice coffee. I looked up from the menu, looked at Yvette and said: "Do you have ice?" and she responded "Yes." I then inquired "Do you have coffee?" and she quizzically said "Yes?" and then I said "Well then, I'll have an ice coffee". I said it calmly, not bitchy at all and she got all flustered. I started to feel bad but c'mon, pour the coffee over ice. The glasses are plastic y'all and it's not rocket science. Plus, back in the day, I made it all the time for customers. Think out of the box is my motto. My father told me I probably made her want to turn in her apron with how I deadpanned it. I did, however, get my ice coffee and she got a nice tip.

I went to scope out the Western Mass shopping as well and realized that due to the offerings of all things Philly, Orlando and online, I'm spoiled for any other shopping. I bought nada. I would see things and go "eeehhh - well, I could get that at home" or "eeehhh - that's IT???" It was hard to believe that I used to walk into that mall wide eyed let alone work there. Yes, I'm still a brat. However, I did learn one thing - if the mall also has a Target in it - RUN. People were drivin' those Target carts around the entire MALL and didn't just use it IN Target.

Also noteable was how I ran into some people in my old town and you know what -they haven't changed ONE iota. From living with their parents to acting the same old b.s. ways, I went "Huh??" Then again, that's their issues. It was kinda disturbing though. Will definitely be in the "Why not to attend my 20th reunion" column of Pros & Cons.

There were a ton of memories that flooded back to me, some funny and some sad. There were names I hadn't thought of in forever, but as I drove past their houses, I would go "ohhh yeah - so and so lived there". My heart broke as I drove past my old haunt, Annies, which is no more. I also took a ride past the house I shared with Mark and I really had to pat myself on the back at how, indeed, I am moving upward and onward.

All in all, good trip - however I'm ready to get to channelling my inner holiday wench and get to decorating around this joint, well, after I pop some Nyquil because, you guessed it - damn germy kids got me sick.

Oh well - how was your holiday?

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Posted by Lys :: 9:36 PM :: 6 comments

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