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Friday, December 05, 2008

Yup, you guessed it - yours truly is headed back up north. Destination Philadelphia.

What's up with Round 5 you ask? Well our gal Am is putting together a little shin-ding for one of the gals from the show who hasn't been seen - ohhhh - since 1993. Yup, that's a long time. I, personally, haven't seen Jo since I want to say my last day which was in 1991 so I'm thrilled she'll be home for the holidays.

Originally, I was all "ehhh - I don't know if I can go" as it's so close to the holiday, my recent "Coffee Fund Crisis" etc. but when Am asked, how can I say no, right? Plus, it's going to be great to see my peeps even if it's for a day or two before the Christmas madness sets in (in the frigid temps, mind you - that's how much I heart these cats) and it's at my favorite spot in Manayunk. Bonus is that there will be torture for Ant and Rifleman, listening to Jay holler "Line 'em up", watching CK mill about the crowd as OurBuddy sashays down the stairs only to jump immediately on the dance floor. Plus I got wind that my gal Suz has the night off and, this time, I'm DETERMINED TO ENFORCE THE FOLLOWING:

1) DO NOT let Ant make me any mystery shots. I seriously do not remember some photos being taken at the b'day soiree. I love Ant dearly, but I'll make sure he's paid extra to keep that heavy hand away from the cocktails. Ohh - and Rifleman will NOT be mixin' my cocktails. That dude's another heavy hitter, even if he is all things RN.

2) DO NOT allow a bad pic be taken. I need a glam squad nearby - seriously. Dilated pupils does not make for good pics. Nor does hair that has been mussed by dancing or running around like a chicken.

3) DO NOT talk to the 9to9 before I head to the event - no need to be heated. No need for tequila. Just good times.

4) NO DRAMA. Like Mary J. said - leave it all behind. We're all there to catch up, dance, reminisce and have some good times. We're not there to squawk about Big Bro, copyright mumbo jumbo etc. (listen -that's directed at me, not anyone else! I'm guilty of getting cranky with the whole copyright blah blah).

5) Most of all, HAVE FUN! I love my crew and while I'm sad that we're missing two integral parts of our crew - Meowmix and Reese - they will be conferenced in somehow, via text, phone or whatever. We'll miss you.

And, since I'll only be there for two nights, the second day is for milling about the Italian Market, doing a little Christmas shopping around the city and, perhaps, dragging a buddy out for dinner at one of the restaurants I've been dying to try. I love Manayunk and all but I also want to enjoy a bit of Center City. Finally, Sunday I'll be flying back to Orlando where it will be on and poppin' for the holidays and no more Philly trips til, oh, possibly February/March.

What are you looking forward to this month?

Labels: Friends, Memories, Philly, Travel

Posted by Lys :: 7:13 AM :: 2 comments

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Saturday, November 29, 2008

Realizations of a Traveling Wench...

Yes, I've returned to all things sunshine state from the arctic tundra known as Western Mass. Had an enjoyable holiday with family and friends, put some ghosts to rest and finally snipped the cord on one pesky problem that will be no more.

All in all, a success with no unpleasant aftertaste. 'Sall good.

However, the travel itself really made for excellent blog fodder. Let me explain.

First of all - most effective birth control: Traveling with kids to or from Orlando. On the trip down, I was surrounded by 10 children. 2 in front of me, two in back of my seat (kicking no less), 2 children with their father to the side of me and 4 more scattered throughout the cabin. They were all traveling together and can I say, oh my holy hell. The parents had NO control of their Jon&Kate+10 brood and I was ready for a Xanax/Baileys cocktail by flight end. They would run up and down the aisles, sit on the edge of my seat, scream, shout, you name it. Ugh!

On my return flight back, I had one woman who would NOT discipline her child at all, indulged his massive tantrums (as did the child's father) and guess who sat in front of me - yup, you guessed it, Momma Bear and the mean Bearcub. Well Bearcub decided that he was going to be a brat ON the flight, refusing to sit (he was around 3/4), refusing to behave, constantly pushing the buttons, blasting the DVD that he would want changed constantly and the mother would calmly go "Now honey, you know you can't do that" with a giggle. By flight's end, I was ready to say "Listen, my parents would have WHUPPED me if I misbehaved like that. Get it together!" but I behaved. I mean-mugged the kid tho every time he tried to stare me down. Homey don't play that mess. You can't behave, I'll tell you to sit down before the pilot knocks you off the seat. The stewardess even hit her patience level when the mother refused to put a seat belt on the child for landing. Ugh! Well, I darted past them to get to baggage claim, thanking the heavens that I bit my tongue and didn't blast her (or Bearcub). I behaved. Well, until Momma Bear and Bearcub got on my elevator to the parking garage. Dontcha know Bearcub is throwing yet another tantrum?!?!? I looked at him, smiled at her and then looked at him again and said "Wow, kiddo - you've had a tough flight, haven't ya?" The kid shushed, looked at me strangely and knew I meant business. I had "that tone", the one that even my nephews know - "Don't mess with Auntie Lys, she'll say somethin'" The woman told me that she didn't know if she could fly to St. Thomas with the child the way he was acting up - my response "Perhaps you might want to pack some Xanax - that might help" as I walked off the elevator. Mean, kinda but man my last nerve was shot. I will say this, that child behaved PERFECTLY on the way to the car - not a peep out of his bratty behind. Maybe she saw that while you don't have to yell at the child, you also don't let the child run you. You are the adult, the child is the child. Don't get it twisted.

Secondly - Delta - BIG FAIL. We're breaking up. I don't care if you entice me with your "oooohhh - Lys you USED to fly me. I promise we'll be good" crap. I call bullshit. Straight up - bullshit. AirTran has spoiled me for any other airline. On AirTran, I can upgrade to the business class with the comfy seats and overhead bins that FIT my carry on suitcase with no problem. Delta - don't offer me an upgrade and then go "Well, you're "T" class, so no upgrade for you!". I had the $$$ at alert and you don't want this bill? Fine then - bite me. Next, the fact that your overhead bins do NOT fit my luggage and they get progressively smaller as you head back down the plane - fail. I had to bribe a stewardess (or reward) with a Starbucks card if she could get that in the overhead bin (which she did and she did, indeed, get her Starbucks card!). Finally, your drivers and their lead foot - while sometimes that's good, tell them to learn how to pump the breaks - ugh! I miss AirTran.

Bradley is NOT my favorite airport but I do appreciate the fact that they have a Dunkin' Donuts on the concourse. (Philly Int'l - take note please. Thx!) However, I wish I saw that BEFORE I bought a daggone diet coke for the plane. Oh well.

Speaking of ice coffee, when I arrived, my dad and I went out to Friendlys to grab a late dinner. Now, let me preface this with a note that not only do I like Friendlys, but I worked there for TWO years. I was a waitress and worked my way to shift manager and was damn good too. So, when our waitress, Yvette, came over to get our drink order, she told me that they don't have Ice coffee. I looked up from the menu, looked at Yvette and said: "Do you have ice?" and she responded "Yes." I then inquired "Do you have coffee?" and she quizzically said "Yes?" and then I said "Well then, I'll have an ice coffee". I said it calmly, not bitchy at all and she got all flustered. I started to feel bad but c'mon, pour the coffee over ice. The glasses are plastic y'all and it's not rocket science. Plus, back in the day, I made it all the time for customers. Think out of the box is my motto. My father told me I probably made her want to turn in her apron with how I deadpanned it. I did, however, get my ice coffee and she got a nice tip.

I went to scope out the Western Mass shopping as well and realized that due to the offerings of all things Philly, Orlando and online, I'm spoiled for any other shopping. I bought nada. I would see things and go "eeehhh - well, I could get that at home" or "eeehhh - that's IT???" It was hard to believe that I used to walk into that mall wide eyed let alone work there. Yes, I'm still a brat. However, I did learn one thing - if the mall also has a Target in it - RUN. People were drivin' those Target carts around the entire MALL and didn't just use it IN Target.

Also noteable was how I ran into some people in my old town and you know what -they haven't changed ONE iota. From living with their parents to acting the same old b.s. ways, I went "Huh??" Then again, that's their issues. It was kinda disturbing though. Will definitely be in the "Why not to attend my 20th reunion" column of Pros & Cons.

There were a ton of memories that flooded back to me, some funny and some sad. There were names I hadn't thought of in forever, but as I drove past their houses, I would go "ohhh yeah - so and so lived there". My heart broke as I drove past my old haunt, Annies, which is no more. I also took a ride past the house I shared with Mark and I really had to pat myself on the back at how, indeed, I am moving upward and onward.

All in all, good trip - however I'm ready to get to channelling my inner holiday wench and get to decorating around this joint, well, after I pop some Nyquil because, you guessed it - damn germy kids got me sick.

Oh well - how was your holiday?

Labels: Friends, Holiday, Memories, Random Mess, Travel

Posted by Lys :: 9:36 PM :: 6 comments

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Monday, November 17, 2008

Moving From The Great Redneck Debate to Handcuff Debacle...

I have to admit. I apparently have a terminal case of "foot in mouth" disease. I'll make an "off the cuff" remark in a convo and next thing I know, I'm finding out that it's a story that isn't on my "Full Disclosure" list. So, here's your turn to laugh at my "blondeness".

Last week, while in conversation with my father, I made a crack about something and said that I should tell you guys about the Handcuff debacle. Well, he thought I was referencing Meowmix's informative post about Handcuffs from a few months prior. However, my reference was not that debacle at all but an incident in college. Quickly, I started backtracking, realizing my oops while timidly commenting, "You knew about that - when Bri handcuffed me in college and I missed my probation & parole final?" Well, clearly he did not. And I needed to 'fess up quick. (Much like the tattoo incident but that's for another day). So, in the interest of full disclosure (and coming clean 15 years later), I'm putting the whole story out there.

Back in I think early 1993, I was splitting time between two colleges - one of which was an all-girls college that I was attending full time and the other school, WNEC, where I took some classes as part of their "School Exchange" program (and where A. & his boy Bri went to school). My college BFF, Barb, and I both had the same class at WNEC and we spent alot of time in their Junior/Senior Housing - Gateway - which was where A., Bri and their 4 roommates lived in an apartment suite. In between classes at the 1st School (where I was a pre-law major), we would often be hanging out at the Suite. Plus, to travel between the two colleges, we'd take the back roads which, because of the harsh winter, were ripe with potholes. So, it was not uncommon for A. and/or Bri to get a call asking for assistance with "Tire Issues" because, well, a gal can't do it her damn self (well I could but why should I when A. always offered to play Sir. Newt, right?)

Well, as the weather got warmer, we spent more time during in between our classes up at WNEC studying, chillin' out with the gang, playing with the ferret (R.I.P. Bandit) and, of course, causing some mischief. The boys loved their pranks and yours truly didn't have much of a sense of humor then. (Well, a dry humor but only A. tended to get that.)

One afternoon in the spring, the boys had some spring fever and "summoned" Barb and I to the suite. Well, being the dutiful student *cough*, I made it clear that we only had a short bit of time because I had a final exam in my fave class, Probation & Parole. Bri assured me that all was cool so Barb and I headed over.

We arrived sans tire problems and trotted into the apartment and next thing I recall, Bri is grabbing my arms, swiftly handcuffing me with A.'s cuffs (he was a MP in the reserves), seats me on the floor of their kitchen and tells me that the cuffs would NOT be removed until I actually stood up. First of all, do you know how hard it is to stand up from a seated position with your hands cuffed behind your back? NOT FUN. Well, I surprisingly didn't lose my temper and, after calmly plotting my steps, accomplished the task. Barb also got handcuffed and I vaguely remember her chasin' the hell out of Bri outside of the dorms when she got out of those contraptions. Of course A. knew nothing about it because HE was in class and missed all the fun. (But that didn't stop him from calling me later to tease me unmercifully).

To add to the drama, I missed my final exam. Thankfully, when I told the professor, the story was so incredulous, he laughed and let me take the exam later. I did have an "A" in that class so even if he did knock my grade down a few points for lateness, I still wound up doing well.

After the incident, the boys thought I was going to blow my stack. However, I'm a Scorpio (which they often forgot) and I knew then the best revenge was served cold. And, in all fairness, two people clearly needed payback - that being A. and Bri. The other roommates were unwitting accomplices in the matter and, since Bri worked for my father at the time, I could quite simply just pull some shenanigans at the plant if I so wished. However, he'd expect that. A., well I knew exactly how to torture him but that was way too easy. Something drastic had to be done to those two.

Well, they did get payback alright, in the form of being handcuffed to a towel bar in the suite bathroom during one of their Saturday night parties, accomplished with the assistance of Ry, one of A.'s roommates and a few well-made cocktails. For graduation, I got a little handcuff charm that I wore commemorating not only my major but also that incident.

So, since then, whenever the handcuff debacle is brought up and I'm in the presence of either of the two stooges, one will always sheepishly laugh and say "Yeah, that's when Lys got her sense of humor".

Labels: Friends, Memories, Random Mess

Posted by Lys :: 8:11 AM :: 0 comments

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Great Redneck Debate

OK, while I've wrangled with posting this or not, all caution is thrown to the wind and I'm about to toss two dear people under the bus (as it's running, no less)... Sorry guys!

Some brief background:

Well, y'all know I'm originally from Massachusetts but I am, and always will be, a Philly gal at heart. That goes without argument. As such, I'm more of a city gal who sometimes lives on the outskirts of city chaos - more relaxing. However, don't get it twisted - country and me - NON-MIXY THINGS. I need some sort of people millin' about and police sirens to feel at home (shush with any police uniform references MB!)

Meowmix lives in New Hampshire, pretty much a small town on the outskirts of the bigger city of Manchester. Lots of back roads, dirt paths and such. Meowmix doesn't have a country mindset though but she is a biker gal. (Betcha didn't guess that with those sassy red shoes and all).

Rifleman lives in Philadelphia and, by all appearances and his accent, the boy is a city boy through and through. Regardless of him going to school in South Carolina, I would never peg him for being a redneck, even if he's a country music aficionado and likes his bourbon.

OK, onto the story at hand.

As y'all might guess, like with many of our trips to Philly, there is always chaotic things going on and its a whirlwind. So, Saturday night in Philly, Meowmix and I went to have a quick cocktail with Rifleman to catch up. Plus, not torturing Rifleman while in Philly just doesn't seem right, ya know. Well, after having dinner on South Street with Reese, Meowmix and I headed over to our fave spot in Manayunk, head downstairs and Ant, on cue, starts mixing the cocktails. As I was in NO shape to drink after the night before (your gal had a hangover that only got worse as the day progressed), I decided that a diet coke was in order. Of course Rifleman protested and eventually some Captain made its appearance. Hey, after college, I figure, I have a built up immunity to the stuff. I can't remember what Meowmix was drinking but, with Ant's heavy hand, it had to be lethal.

Somehow, some way the discussion progressed from Rifleman's canary singing about me trying to bribe him for b'day party intel and Meowmix's drunk texts re: eye candy into what will forever be deemed "The Great Redneck Debate".

How did a redneck discussion start, you ask?

Well, Meowmix was showing Rifleman a new pic of her new boytoy, Bucket Boy, and Rifleman, on first glance, promptly exclaimed "He's a REDNECK!" What about Bucket Boy screams redneck? The fact he drives a TRUCK with a BUCKET for work? C'mon now. It's not like he's pickin up Meowmix for a date in that there vehicle. However, channeling his inner Irish stubborn streak, Rifleman refused to sway from his opinion. Bucket Boy was a redneck and that was that. Well, Meowmix, not having an affection for all things red, started to protest and next thing you know, the words are flyin'.

Rifleman kept insisting he didn't have a problem with it as he, too, was a redneck. I strongly disagreed, thinkin' that he was a damn fool as he was a Philly boy. Urban Cowboy, I can deal with. Redneck - ummm.. Are you for REAL? I mean, seriously, how do you get redneck from likin' Toby Keith, I just couldn't comprehend. Just to throw salt on the wound, Rifleman decided that there was another closet member to the redneck brigade and straight out called Meowmix a redneck, encouraging her to accept her fate.

Now as some of you are on Facebook, I'm sure you saw some of the status changes between us. Here's why. Since Rifleman had to mill about the spot and attend to some other people in the club, he decided to take the war to the web when he was away from us. There were text messages galore, Facebook status changes, and the occasional argument as he sullied over with his bourbon in hand to again prove his point. At one point, Meowmix zinged him hard and he's making motions of jumping on the bar and making cat scratch marks at her. (She did get a little vicious but c'mon, he's a big boy - he can suck it up and deal - or can he, a gal wonders?)

Now, y'all know I don't have a sensitivity meter and I'm quite blunt and, while I don't know if it was the lethal Captain & Diet that Rifleman insisted on mixing himself (99% captain and 1% diet - ummm... dude are you trying to KILL ME??) or the shot of tequila I had to imbibe in order to deal with Rifleman's revelations, but I made my distaste clear with a sharp "Honey, I don't do redneck. That's Polk County and y'all know I just don't!" (As you can tell, I'm not a fan of Polk County, Florida or any of its equivalents).

Meowmix even echoed the story of when her and I went on the cruise a few years back and I met a nice boy who, lo and behold, turns out he was straight out red and from Polk County no less - IN THE BAHAMAS. (Leave it to me to meet a great guy on a tropical island who turns out to be the one type I said I'd NEVER be with, that being redneck). As y'all know, there ARE no exceptions in my rule book and the red rule was one I refused to sway from.

Well, Rifleman had this look on his face, like he was stunned for a sec, points to himself and declares "Lys, I'M A REDNECK!" "Gimme a break!" I thought, refusing to believe his war cries and write it off to him trying to save face with his whole Urban Cowboy mystique. Then, out of the blue, one of his boys Mark (or, as Meowmix calls him, McYummy) comes behind the bar and tells us "Girls - Rifleman is a straight up redneck!!! He grew up in South Carolina. How could you NOT know? His favorite football team is the GAMECOCKS!"

Now, I'm floored and I start to feel horrid for what I said as Rifleman's a good friend and I don't want him to think I'm an utter snot. Yes, I'm a snot but I'm not THAT bad, am I? Am I writing people off because of the north/south divide? How much of a bitch am I, I wonder.

Well, the night ends well, we say our goodbyes, all while Rifleman is still crowin' about his Redneck in Philly status. Fine. Meowmix [I thought] conceded and it's decided that she's a Yankee Redneck. I just accept the fact that I'm a snot and move on. Apparently, the north and south can get along (Lys note: Reminder, we still won the war - HA!)

The Great Redneck Debate was laid to rest, well, up until Hotfessional posts something about her putting up her holiday lights this weekend. So, I remarked "My vote - don't turn them on until after Thanksgiving. And, let me just say I still have my lights on the porch from last year. Does that mean I got a touch of red(neck)???"

Hotfessional's sassy response was short, sweet and to the point. She remarked "More than a touch babe. ;-) But that's okay - you do live in Redneck country. ;-)"

HOLD UP. WAIT A MINUTE. DID I JUST READ THAT RIGHT????

I read that line a few more times and internally kept screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Lys and Redneck = NON-MIXY THINGS!! Let alone, its sacrilege even saying that I've got "more than a touch" of the red since I live now down here in "Redneck country"...

:::sigh:::

My northern wench license is really going to be revoked now. Of course now, I'm sure Meowmix and Rifleman will be having a good laugh by one of my fave bloggers callin' my ass out...

Ant - please pass the bourbon! I think I need a cocktail to deal with this one...

**Disclaimer - this post was, in no way, meant to offend or hurt anyone's feelings. Just to demonstrate that I, quite clearly, can be an idiot...

Labels: Friends, Philly, Random Mess

Posted by Lys :: 3:58 PM :: 5 comments

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